Save Me!

liferaft

It’s a Thursday afternoon and summer break is just beginning. You have barely made it through week 3. How in the world are you going to survive 2 more months of this? You have sworn off pointless outings as it costs money and sometimes the kids just need to learn to do things at home and you need to get stuff done too (although you probably won’t. It will just get pushed off until tomorrow…).

On this day, the rain is relentless. No end in sight. Your plans to shove them out the door at 8am, until forced quiet time after lunch, is now ruined. There is a small piece of your soul that is quietly excited for the rain because that means you won’t have to haul out water to the garden later but your big picture plans for today are SQUASHED! Now what? Play with them? I’m not that desperate! Enjoy and appreciate them? Let’s talk about who should be enjoying and appreciating who here (ah-hem).

It has been weeks since you’ve had a break!! In reality… days. Remember when you got a chance to hit the grocery store alone to grab the milk you forgot? Oh and remember you got a chance to get out and have a nice dinner with just you and hubby last weekend. THAT’S NOT THE POINT. Weeeeeks I tell ya! Or so it feels…

Where is the magic button in life that allows us to bottle up those moments of rest and disperse all the happy and relaxed feelings we have in those times of absolute chaos and stress in the tough and dirty days of parenting. How amazing would it be to feel the euphoria of a nice warm cooked meal made by some stranger at a fancy restaurant served to me by someone who didn’t ask me to wipe the cheese smeared on their cheek or clean up the spilled milk that I knew was going to get knocked over (Why don’t I ever use cups with lids?) when I am in the midst of feeling like I am at my last ounce of patients for the day as I change the 5th pair of pee pants? I just want to reach into my happy feelings bag, with my fist full, pull them out and fling them into the air like a glitter party raining down on me in all my favorite shiny colors. As the flecks of gold, pink, purple and blue fall to the floor they grab the floating particles of frustration, anger, fear, condemnation and guilt and replace those feelings with joy, gratitude, gratefulness, patients and a smile.

Then I think, God created something even better. He created prayer. He created the opportunity for all of us to be forgiven of our frustration, anger, fear, condemnation, guilt and sin. He created us as parents and knew we would face really really bad days. He knew on those bad days we’d question why we were even a parent in the first place. He signed us up for that role because He knew on those days He would be in our corner getting us through it. Instead of reaching into a happy feelings bag, hands are folded in prayer. Instead of glitter falling down on us taking away all the bad from the day, we get a Savior who already took away those sins and feelings when He died for us on the cross.

Now I can’t lie and say that the image of glitter raining down on me doesn’t sound like the coolest day of my life! But it’s in those moments of loneliness as a parent, feeling like I am the ONLY person on this planet that has wiped up a whole paper towels roll worth of pee and it’s not even noon, I can turn to God in prayer. Take a deep breath. Take another because you and I both know we need it, and so does He. Close out the noise and just focus. Asking forgiveness for trying to do it alone. For getting upset. For letting the enemy take control. Then asking for help. I cannot do this alone. I am weak without my God. I need His strength to remind me of the good in this day. To take my focus off all the bad and point it towards the good.

Take a moment and close your eyes mama (yes that is you reader!). Tune out all the distractions around you (internal and external) and take as many deep breaths as your little heart can handle. Remember who helps you remain in control. Remember who is on your side. If you want to throw a little glitter in the air, do it! You got this girl!

Stuck

Recently, I was asked to partake in an event with a group of people I was less than thrilled to be surrounded by. Now if you know me, people are my thang!! I find great joy and refreshment in good human connection. 

Now let me start by saying, you wouldn’t ask an alcoholic to a bar for a few drinks, right? I know the two are much different in comparison but for the purpose of this story, stay with me here for a moment.

Growing up I was a gossiper. Maybe that is why I had a hard time keeping good friends. It was not to the point where I made things up about people but I also didn’t keep my mouth shut when I heard a piece of info from someone either. I remember a time or two when I heard info strait from the source and would turn to the person effected and it somehow got turned into the bad guy in the end. Such is life for a teen I suppose. 

It’s been YEARS since I’ve been in that position and have spent much of my adult life, especially as of late, leaving specific relationships because it was based off pure gossip and nothing more. The ‘friendship’s were not meaningful and I felt so dragged down, it hurt my insides. 

So when I was asked to attend this event, I knew I would be in an uncomfortable position with a group of people I was less than thrilled to be around. These people gossip and they want to reel me in. They also make life choices I just can’t agree on and I just want to scream at them for it sometimes. 

You see, as an outsider, it is really really hard to love on someone who doesn’t love themselves and most of the time it all gets twisted and turned upside down and you’re (well I guess me, in this instants) the bad guy. They don’t see advice given out of love. It is a feeling of conviction felt by them, yet they don’t want to feel guilty for their actions so you’re the one left stirring the pot and feeling guilty for bringing it up in the end.

Well what’s a girl to do? Kick and scream and refuse to surround myself with them – on the inside. In reality, suck it up. Attend. Smile and try to push through and genuinely remind yourself that Jesus loved everyone and it is your job to do the same. It is your job to love people for their flaws and see past the dirt and grime they carry. See them for the good they have inside. After all, if someone ran a white rag across my life, and yours, they’d probably find lots of grime, dust and dirt as well. 

There are no accidents

On a whim, as I try to slow down my life, a friend asked if I wanted to join an online bible study with her. One more thing to add to my list as I am wracking my brain figuring out how to take things off.

I was hesitant.

 1) I am not organized enough to usually do these things by myself and tend to not follow through.

2) I had no idea what the guts of it was about and by the title, thought I really didn’t need it.

I had time to back out, as I always do when asked to do something like this. ‘Oh sorry I forgot to get the book.’ Which genuinely happens. When it’s not a priority in my world, I just space it out. 

THEN she says, can you order it for us? I am not good with ordering things online. Great. Now I’m stuck with doing this. No backing out now…

Cole happen to have a doctors appointment towards the city last week and the Family Chrisitan store was on the way so I swung in there with the kids and grabbed the last 2 of 3 copies they had. The cashier mentioned that these books were flying off the shelves and coming or calling in daily for a copy. What was all the fuss about? This book was just a feel good dust collector for me at this point. I’d use the excuse that my life was just too busy to complete it and I’d get to it tomorrow. 

As I peel back the pages and skim through it, I was intimidated at first glance. It is a lot of work! Flipping back and fourth between my bible and the work book. Can’t it just all be in one place? So. Much. Work. 

I instantly gravitated to the first section in the book when I’m asked to size up the enemy and write down my most pressing problem. Gosh, where do I begin? Everyone else in my life has wronged me and is just doing life wrong! I think to myself many times in a day, ‘if only they had Jesus!’. 

Have you ever seen that commercial of the guy who breaks into a house and starts steeling stuff, only to be attacked by the homeowner who caught him in the act? The homeowner gets a hold of the thief and pulls back his hood, to reveal an image of himself. The point of the commercial was that he had a gambling problem and HE was the one robbing his family of all the joy and happiness because of his addiction. 

I felt like this guy as I sat to fill in that question. Not that I had an addiction, but that I tend to blame others for my problems. After I wrote down all the other wrong doers in my life, God spoke and I wrote down, ‘Myself’. 

The title of the book is The Armor Of God by Pricilla Shrier. Throughout the study, Pricilla gives tips on how to be fully aware of the enemy and how he is trying to wreak our earthly lives. I am a sucker for anything Pricilla does as I connect with her teachings so well. 

The enemy has been fooling me into believing everyone else in my life has the problem. How could {I} possibly be the problem? I am a child of God. I am constantly pursuing His heart. It cannot be me! Or can it? 

In the moments when I feel like hiding in the closet with a bag of chips, rocking back and forth curled in the fetal position because my kids have been at each other’s throats and it’s only 10am, it’s the enemy working his way into our house pinning those I love against me and weakening my mommy super power to deal with it. When I find myself so wrapped up in my family who I see, making terrible life decisions, I get in my head and get obsessed about the ways I’m going to fix them. I’ll invite them to church and that will make it all better! They’ll fall in love with Gods message and then their problems will be fixed and I won’t have to worry about them anymore. WRONG! Heck, I attend church every weekend and that doesn’t magically turn on a switch making me a perfect person! In fact it’s because I am imperfect, a mess and a sinner that I continue to walk through those doors every weekend. 

So I am surprisingly spending these next few weeks in this study, totally engaged, immersed and wreaked to work on the enemy attacking me! I can only change me. There are no accidents that I am doing this study. I am here because God knows I need it more than I know I need it. 

Long time coming…

This is my very first blog post… here.

When Cole was born, I had wanted to hide him from the world and Facebook was becoming more open and his little face was too precious to share with the world. I started a blog on some site that I cannot even remember now. It was password protected and the link was given to a small handful of family and friends. I posted here and there. It wasn’t much but I enjoyed hoping on with every new milestone to update those reading, on his latest personal gain. At 6 months old, my first time mom brain, was blown away by all the amazing things only my child could do!

Fast forward to today, the posts got less and few and far in between. I got pregnant with Marie and life happened. However, during all that time, I enjoyed writing. I document what I can in the little notebooks I have lying around the house and I go deeper with them the older I am getting. The scribbles are becoming less about them and more about me. It’s not to say that I care less for them or have lost interest in their activities. The older I am getting, the more time I am investing in myself to in turn, invest in them.

What does Bee Inspired mean? When I came up with ‘Bee Inspired’ about 2 summers ago, I was on my way to Las Vegas and for the first time in a LONG time, stepping out of my comfort zone and all while doing something for myself since becoming a mom. I had signed on to be a Beachbody coach months prior and this was my next step at expanding myself to further my business. I wanted to find a way to use this opportunity to inspire others, even if they weren’t fully into the whole ‘Beachbody thing’. Beachbody came into my life at the perfect time and everything in me was dependent on what I was taught and learning daily. To find time for myself and to become the best version of myself, inside and out became a priority. When you look at a bee hive, the Queen is in charge. The swarm follows her wherever she goes. They are dependent on her for everything. If the Queen dies, they die. If the Queen has an abundant life, they have an abundant life. As mothers, WE (Yes that means YOU!) are the Queens of our household and our lives. The saying, ‘If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy’ is so true. We cannot take care of others and give our fullest to them, if we first do not take care of ourselves.

Taking 30 minutes to exercise, read, work on a hobby, relax, nap or whatever you find as bucket filling, is vital! We spend so much time trying to keep up with everyone around us, according to the role we’re supposed to fulfill that social media demands that we do, we forget to take care of ourselves. I learned to let go of the TV shows I zoned out to in the evening because I found rest in reading a book, having a real conversation with someone I hadn’t in a while, or working out uninterrupted after the kids went to bed. Those moments when I am really spending time with myself, is when I feel refreshed and renewed.

My goal with this blog is to use it as a place of rest and renewal as I transition from my favored pen and paper method to a fun and flowing web blog method. If you’re inspired along the way, that is just a bonus for me!